Siam Supreme

Food ✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪✪ 

160 Heaton Road 
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE6 5HP 

0191 228 9689 
siamsupreme.co.uk 

Accessibility? Yes 
Gluten free? Yes

I am fortunate enough to have lots of nice meals out and most are comparatively easy to write about. I just open my trusty Concise Oxford Thesaurus at page 799 (the one with the entry for “tasty” on it), prattle on about the interior of the place for a bit as if I know anything about interiors, bish, bash and indeed bosh, and there you go. 

But how to string together a thousand or so words on an experience that was neither triumphant nor indeed utterly disastrous, but - ye horrors! - just disappointingly mediocre? Not terrible but just very meh? I imagine that would take some skill, some deftness of touch, perhaps even a little talent. I’m not sure if I’ve much of any of those, but we’re all gathered round the metaphorical campfire now, so what the hell. Let’s give it a go.

Chaophraya

Food ✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪ 

15 Grey's Quarter
intu Eldon Square
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE1 7AP 

0191 731 4719 
www.chaophraya.co.uk

Accessibility? Yes 
Gluten free? Yes 

Welcome to the final part of my trilogy entitled ‘Chain Restaurants of intu’, in which I review the glossy chain eateries that have been packed into the new Grey’s Quarter development at Eldon Square. 

I confess I only plumped for the three more interesting openings. I should really apologise to Giraffe World Kitchen, Ask Italian, George’s “Great” British Kitchen and TGI Fridays - especially TGI Fridays. Some other time, yeah? Or maybe not. 

Reviewing restaurants that are part of established chains requires a slight shift in focus compared to writing about the cool new indie place down the road. There should, in theory, be fewer teething problems, as they can sort out any opening week issues on their existing sites.

One of the key criteria I certainly use when looking at a new chain specimen is whether it offers the city something that it doesn’t already have. Red’s True Barbecue does not, which was factored into its modest rating. On the other hand, Tapas Revolution really does, which certainly helped its rave review a few weeks back. 

And so to Chaophraya, the 8th link in a Thai chain. Does it have sufficient tingly-fresh ideas going for it to make the conclusion to this triumvirate of reviews triumphant? Well, not really.

Thai House Cafe

Food ✪✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪✪ 

93 Clayton Street 
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE1 5PZ 

0191 261 5717
Facebook page
(Closed on Tuesdays)

My friend’s tone was hushed and conspiratorial: “You totally need to try this new Thai place in town. Just don’t tell anyone, OK?” 

She wasn’t alone. Several readers had already alerted me to this little gem. So I apologise in advance for what follows – she (and they) may now find it a little harder to get a favourite table. 

I have to shout out about this place, because some of the dishes we tried didn’t so much hit the spot as chuck it in a mortar along with a load of fragrant and hectic spices, and beat it to oblivion.

Zaap

Food ✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪ 

117 Newgate Street 
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE1 5RZ 

0191 230 1280 
www.zaapthai.co.uk 

I wouldn’t want you to think that I’ve sold out to the corporate world in my advancing years, but the eagle-eyed among you can’t have failed to notice how much time I’m currently spending in chain restaurants. 

The thing is, judging by the thrum and buzz that has been evident when I’ve visited so many of the newly opened multis in and around Newcastle, so are lots of you. And, so long as we’re all going to eat in these gaffs, why not try to suss out the better venues from the also-rans? 

Chain restaurants are springing up everywhere. Mrs Diner and I have happened upon so many packed houses, we’ve started to wonder how many more mid-range food brands Newcastle can shoulder. We’ll find out soon enough as the refurbishment of Eldon Square continues apace, with some 20 units to be shared among a host of mostly familiar names. 

Sure, I’d rather focus on independents, but as investors have put an awful lot of cash into our region’s restaurant scene, it’s only right that I give them all the once-over. We have been impressed by a few (Byron, Turtle Bay) while left very cold by several others (including Thaikhun and Cabana). In which category would I place Zaap, a Thai outfit that completes the chain gang alongside Turtle Bay and Cabana in the old Co-Op building?

Thaikhun

Food ✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪✪ 

Upper Qube 
intu Metrocentre 
Gateshead 
NE11 9YG 

0191 594 6420 
www.thaikhun.co.uk 

When was the last time you ate “street food” on an actual street? 

It’s one thing to get a bunch of food vans and stalls together at events such as Newcastle’s upcoming Craft Beer Calling festival (which I’m very much looking forward to this October), or those much-missed Boiler Shop Steamers, but it’s stretching things to the point of snapping to serve up small dishes in an actual bricks and mortar restaurant and call it street food. Yet that’s how Thaikhun describes itself. 

‘Our vision and passion is to bring authentic Thai street food from the streets of Bangkok to the streets of the UK,’ enthuses its website. 

Sadly, the Metrocentre on a Monday evening feels about as far from street as it’s possible to be.

Nadon Thai (Newcastle)

Food ✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪✪ 

32-34 Mosley Street 
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE1 1DF 

0191 374 1157 
www.nadonthai.co.uk 

I have found that locating good Thai food in Newcastle is as elusive as the Higgs boson. More so, in fact; apparently the latter has now been found, while my search for somewhere that can approximate to real Thai cooking has gone on in vain. 

On each of the last two episodes of this quest, disaster struck. First at Mantra, and then at The Old Siam, my hopes were dashed on the rocks of inept cooking and duff ingredients.  

My one-star review of The Old Siam resulted in a raw convulsion of rage on The Chronicle’s Facebook page. Apparently, a lot of people like this place and took the review quite personally. Bless. I only wish I could have reviewed the meals they had all enjoyed so much, or that they could have seen how abject mine was. 

Anyway, it gives me no little pleasure to bring better tidings this week. Thanks to a new incarnation of an old friend, things are looking up on the south-east Asian front.

The Old Siam

Food ✪ 
Service ✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪ 

1-3 Side 
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE1 3JN 

0191 261 5590 
www.theoldsiam.co.uk 

It’s probably bad manners to commence the post-mortem whilst the patient is still twitching on the table, but that’s what happened long before we finished our meal at The Old Siam. 

With good reason though: having struggled to find anywhere in Newcastle to match the flavours from happy times spent in Prachup Khiri Khan, Ko Samui, Chiang Mai and Bangkok, several people had recommended this place. Would my search for decent Thai food in Newcastle end in The Old Siam? I’m afraid that it very much did not.

River Beat

Food ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪✪ 

Pipewellgate House 
Pipewellgate 
Gateshead 
NE8 2BJ 

0191 477 0553 
www.riverbeat.co.uk 

Tue - Thu 4 - 11pm 
Fri - Sat 11am - 11pm 

For the most part, most Brits still haven’t quite got the hang of tapas. 

To many, the idea of spending an evening traipsing between different bars for glasses of sherry and a plate of ham here, some croquettes there, a prawn, octopus tentacle or a spicy chicken thigh there — is something to be reserved for Spanish holidays. It requires a city to have a critical mass of places set up this way, which rules out Newcastle. 

It’s a great shame, for in many ways the city centre is made for gastro-perambulation. Here’s a plea: can someone please open a couple of proper ham and sherry joints? I’ll happily perambulate between them all night if you do. Thanks in advance. 

In the absence of the real deal, our current experience of local tapas involves plonking yourself down for the entire evening and ordering a truck-load of small plates, which you then ply through with copious glasses of wine. This rather turns the concept on its head. All of a sudden, instead concentrating on getting a few things perfect, a kitchen has the hard task of doing lots of things well. As a result, most don’t succeed. 

Nowadays tapasification (a word I shall copyright) doesn’t have to be Spanish. In London there are tapas versions of Peruvian, North African, Italian and so on. In Newcastle, they’ve gone one better. River Beat, tucked next to the Swing Bridge on the Gateshead side, has given the small plate treatment to Thai. 

Well, sort of. It’s not actually Thai, but a pan-Asian-influenced assortment. However, in what is quite a nifty move, all 22 dishes on their “tapas” menu are available in small or large plates, meaning you can eat pretty much whatever you want, however you want.

Ko Sai [CLOSED]

Food ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪✪ 

Fenwick Food Hall 
Northumberland Street 
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE99 1AR 

www.ko-sai.co.uk 

[KO SAI closed on July 1st 2017.  It will be replaced in Fenwick's Food Hall by Porter House, a butchery and grill - see Foodie News] 

Ko Sai, as any Star Wars fan worth their salt will tell you, hailed from the planet Kamino and was the chief scientist behind the creation of the Grand Army of the Republic. It is also a small rocky island set in the Gulf of Thailand. I’m assuming that (unless he’s a closet sci-fi fan) Newcastle’s most prolific restaurateur Terry Laybourne had the latter in mind when he named this Asian street food joint. 

This is the final part of a trilogy on the dining options in the all-new Fenwick food hall, joining my previous reports on the excellent Fuego and slightly-less-impressive Saltwater Fish Company. How would this final incarnation manifest itself - Hans Solo or just Jar-Jar Binks?

Mantra

Food ✪ 
Service ✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪✪ 

The Waterside Palace Building 
29 Forth Banks 
Quayside 
Newcastle upon Tyne 
NE1 3SG 

0191 232 6080 
www.mantra-thai.co.uk  

Food is an Art, Cook from the Heart - I wonder if they paid a PR firm to dream up that little mantra, proudly stuck on the front page of their menu? 

Mantra claims this philosophy is used “to drive us forward every day”. They use the words “authentic” and “passionate” quite a lot too. Newcastle has waited a very long time for an authentic, passionate Thai restaurant. Sadly it looks like it will have to wait a bit longer.

Electric East [CLOSED]

Food ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪✪ 

St James Boulevard 
Waterloo Square 
Newcastle Upon Tyne 
NE1 4DP 

www.electric-east.co.uk 
0191 221 1000 

Lunch: Fri only 
Dinner: Mon to Sat 6 - 9.45pm 

Nearly three years ago Electric East emerged phoenix-like from the ashes of a Newcastle institution called Barn Asia, which I’d only managed to visit once before it fell into administration. 

Based on that one experience, which thankfully I was never called on to chronicle, I reckoned they only got half the name right – it was a bit of a barn, but I could detect little of Asia in its cooking. I found much of it bland, and some actually rather unpleasant. 

That has been my lame excuse for not reviewing its successor until now. However Electric East is well thought of by some, and has even managed a listing in the Michelin guide, so this secret visit was long overdue.

Nadon Thai (Morpeth)

Food ✪✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪✪✪ 

12A Newgate Street 
Morpeth 
Northumberland 
NE61 1BA 

www.nadonthai.co.uk
01670 458151 
Sun-Thur 12-2.30pm, 5.30-10pm 
Fri-Sat 12-2.30pm, 5.30-10:30pm 

What is it with Morpeth? Is the price of real estate so high that its restaurants have to be housed upstairs? Gianni’s, Marabini’s – they’re hidden above shops – even Kevin Liu’s Mulan is on the top deck. 

This time Mrs Diner thought we’d reached rock bottom: “It’s a takeaway chippy,” she said, smelling cheap vegetable oil and kebabs. 

“Don’t panic,” I said, secretly panicking, then spotted the sign by the side of the chip shop. We climbed the stairs into the world of Nadon Thai. 

Thai House

Food ✪✪ 
Service ✪✪✪ 
Ambience ✪ 

Thai House 
The Coach and Horses 
82 Priestpopple 
Hexham 
Northumberland 
NE46 1PQ 

01434 600789 
www.facebook.com/thaihousehexham 

Mon – Thurs 5.30 – 10pm 
Fri – Sat 5.30 – 10.30pm 
Accessibility: Yes 

Two things greet you when you walk into this place: the wai and the bar. 

 

The wai, the traditional Thai welcome, palms pressed together in respect and reverence, was given by a smiling waitress. She was dwarfed by the huge bar, a semi-circular affair that dominates the room, reminding us that this restaurant is merely a lodger in a Hexham pub called the Coach and Horses.